i look to you for validation. to do something. or nothing. to take it back forever; press the reverse button. we handle it, by not handling it, says the voice. my anxiety hops inside; like dried beans on a table jumping during an earthquake. a familiar tightening, a squeezing grip - a closed fist in my chest. i feel there is something i should be doing. i seek forgiveness that i do not deserve. i remember you, and worry what you’ll think.