Category: Shame

poem #29

May 30, 2021

sixteen

ill at ease.
still a child.
no boyfriends.
a squandered youth
i still regret.
the absence of
rebellion.
i look back,
think about myself
and feel depressed.
oh to erase the 
feelings of ineptitude.
what did i do?
read books,
write poetry.
fill page after page
of countless diaries.
i listened to sad music;
i listened to my parents
and did what they asked me.
i'll end up alone,
i would tell myself.

poem #24

April 11, 2021

shame

i look to you
for validation.
to do something.
or nothing.

to take it back forever;
press the reverse button.

we handle it,
by not handling it,
says the voice.

my anxiety hops inside;
like dried beans on a table
jumping during an earthquake.
a familiar tightening,
a squeezing grip - 
a closed fist in my chest.

i feel
there is something
i should be doing.

i seek forgiveness 
that i do not deserve.

i remember you,
and worry what you’ll think.